I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
