This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
