I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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