I looked at my own cervix.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
