not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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