Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
