just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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