she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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