I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
