So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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