They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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