Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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