I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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