My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize