I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
