Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize