"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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