I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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