she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
