some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
