i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
