My friends, they love my intelligence
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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