Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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