i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
