I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
