last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
