Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
