Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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