I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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