Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
