i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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