I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
