Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
