he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love having hate sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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