My Higher Power is John Stamos
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
