this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
