In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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