are you still at the devil's house?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
