i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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