I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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