; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
