someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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