We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
