we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love having hate sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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