So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
