She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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