Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
