walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
