my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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