I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
