I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
