Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
