My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
