I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize