I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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