Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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