I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
