just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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