I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
