just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
