Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
