so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
