Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
