The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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