my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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