The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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