We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
