His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
